Today leaving the CASCON conference with two of my colleagues I thought again about how damned lucky I am to be a student here. This is truly a luxurious life. I spent today sitting around a table in a warm room talking with other students and professors about whatever the hell interested us at the moment. We talked while we ate our free lunch. (I repeat, we had a free lunch!) After that we went into another room and talked some more. Again, we talked about whatever interested us. At some point we paused to have tea and stretch. Then we returned to talking until we had had enough. A few of us went home together and spent the entire trip discussing ideas for tomorrow. It was a day of ideas.
And that was a day of work. Ah-mazing. When I'm not at a conference I get to spend an entire day at a sunny desk, spending my day as I please, reading, talking to people, making notes to myself, and generally working on projects as I please.
I feel so so lucky and grateful to be here. It's a fullness of feeling which I'm not sure I can explain all that well. The flip side is that I also feel upset at myself for the times when I take this life for granted. I find it easy to do. Take it for granted, I mean. There are times when, to the exclusion of other feelings, I feel worried about my future, or about a deadline, or how my research project might turn out, etc... But, peanuts! I am a king!
I'm not sure why, but I feel compelled to acknowledge and mention this right now. Maybe just as a reminder for myself. But I'd appreciate hearing any thoughts you have on this topic; so use the comments.
2 comments:
I've been privileged all my life. I was raised in a socio-economic class where people feel wronged and oppressed (because they see the abuses and luxuries of the ruling class) but are blind to their own privileges: they (we) don't realize they're masters rather than servants, and that they got there through luck and abuse, not through hard work.
It was hard to me to realize I'd been so lucky, being so immersed in my culture. Moving to Canada allowed me to see this, but in turn blinded me to the desperation and poverty that are so raw in Mexico.
So in short, yes, I agree, we are very privileged and it's easy to get used to it. However I don't think the privilege necessarily consists in spending the day discussing ideas --as much as it seems self-servient to say it, and as much as I wouldn't dare to say it to a manufacturing worker, I do feel tired after a day of conferences, or of "intense" reading and writing. I think the privilege consists in that we have the choice to spend our days like this, if we choose, or any other way we wish, and we'll still be alright. We get to pursue any occupation we think might be fun and get away with it.
I am absolutely privileged. I've been cruising through life from the get-go, and I know I'm getting it easy.
It's amazing that I can get up every morning, and not be afraid. It's amazing that I can eat a solid, healthy breakfast, by simply pulling stuff out of my refrigerator. I have a large warm bed. I can walk down the street and feel safe. I have friends. I'm healthy.
It's hard to enjoy it when I spend so much time feeling guilty about it. ;)
Just call me Charlie Brown, I guess.
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